Mommy’s Little Heffa is a comical account of an almost-thirty year old woman trying to get back on her feet. Unfortunately she is staying with Momma Cow who pulls the rug from under her every time she gets her balance. Momma Cow and Little Heffa have had an interesting relationship over the years which hasn’t produced much of a mother-daughter bond. Who do you think gave her the name Little Heffa?
Momma Cow: You ain’t nothing but a little heffa!
(Little) Little Heffa: Mommy…what is a heffa?
Momma Cow: It’s a little girl cow who is bad and doesn’t listen to her mother!
Little Heffa stayed with Daddy Bull throughout her adolescent years after him and Momma Cow divorced. Momma Cow is jealous of Little Heffa and Daddy Bull having a stronger relationship so she tries to force every damn thing with her. Little Heffa just ignores her, now more than ever, since she is an adult cow and tired of playing the debate game with Momma Cow. So, Little Heffa gets ostracized and penalized for having an opinion or an opposing view to anything Momma Cow deems right or necessary, thus making great material for Little Heffa to chronicle on this blog.
Momma Cow is an expert in many facets of life and tries to teach her stupid Little Heffa in these areas because she has no thought process of her own. She can turn on her imaginary honorary certifications for any of the following:
Minister Momma Cow– Having come from a rough past herself, she knows about the saving Grace of God. She will probably condemn Little Heffa for using the word ‘damn’ above although Little Heffa has heard her use worse words on numerous occasions.
Dr. Momma Cow– You would think with all of the knowledge she has about healthy living that she would do something about it, like, practice what she preaches and changes what she eats. It’s more of a do as I say, not as I do, type thing.
Life Coach Momma Cow– Little Heffa realizes that Momma Cow has been through some things but just as any other cow on the face of the planet, she still has shortcomings…just like Little Heffa. Little Heffa likes to look up to people who overcame their struggles but Momma Cow demands for her to take every bit of advice she gives as scripture because she has overcome everything and is always right (refer to Queen Cow below).
Queen Momma Cow– Purely a “what I say goes because I’m always right”, kind-of mentality. She is never wrong and you are just a peasant in her kingdom without any power (or an “almost thirty year old woman without anything to show for herself”). Even if she knows she is wrong you will never hear Queen Cow admit such a thing- it makes her like you. She is Superior Grand Queen Momma Cow and she will never be like you!
Santa Claus Momma Cow– This version of Momma Cow is only seasonal and 98.9% of the time she is being generous for something in return. Santa Claus gets cookies- Momma Cow wants it all! If it’s not money it is control and/or ownership of whatever Little Heffa is involved with. It’s never to just genuinely give and when Little Heffa calls her on it she is “being selfish”, Momma Cow’s favorite word to sling around.
At the end of it all, Little Heffa loves Momma Cow but Momma Cow makes it very hard to be liked. You will see throughout the posts how unlikable she can be and how Little Heffa learns from her mistake so she can become the apple that fell from the tree and rolled down the hill.